How to not get your band booked part 2: The 39 annoying things that bands do

In the series of ‘How to not get your band booked‘, first off I recommend reading the piece I just linked, and second I bring to you ‘The 39 annoying things that bands do‘, written by the booker of a renowned underground St. Louis venue called the Creepy Crawl.

This helps us get a glimpse at the venue’s point of view in terms of booking, and makes us realize that although bands consistently think that their gigs are their time to shine, and theirs only, the venue shouldn’t have to put up with all the ego-inflicted individualistic nonsense.

Great read that guarantees many laughs.

Here are a couple of extracts:

2. Out of town bands that show up and say “We decided to bring another band with us, don’t worry, they just need gas money and pizza.”

9. The out of town band that was lucky to get the gig, brought absolutely nobody, bitched all night long about their time slot, when told they had 1 song left in their set play 4 more anyway who when being paid out $50 in gas money asks “Is this the best you can do?”

17. Bands who pester you to book their bands “side-project”. Side-project is another name for self-indulgent crap so embarrassingly bad they can’t dignify it with a name and gives them a cover why none of their friends will come see them “perform”. (Would you go see your friend masturbate if they asked you to come watch?). Note to bands: think of your side-project as a project never to get booked again.

26. Bands who when you tell them they have 1 more song left because they’re running late into their set decide to play a 45 minute opus full of self-absorbed guitar solos which in the course of playing covers in its entirety side 2 of Pink Floyds’ Dark Side of The Moon.

32. Bands that give long-winded lectures about respect… how we need to respect each other, the world we all live in, ourselves, God, our fellow man, other “artists”, Picasso, Left-handed midgets, respect this, respect that etc etc… What are these guys in the Mafia? The next morning you discover the parking spot they were parked in the night before is completely covered with empty water bottles, soda cans and Taco Bell.

39. Bands that read this list and then send us emails like this one:
“dont take this the wrong way i am just a guitar player but ur annoying list was some what funny, but it makes u guys seem like a bunch of pricks u would not have ur joint with out the annoying bands. i frequent ur place when my friends play but if u dont treat the bands that deserve respect with respect they will not play shows and tell others and so on and so forth just a little concerned.“
… This is just a small sample of annoying things that bands do that we came up with at the Creepy. We could go on and on with this….

Read the rest of the 39 pointers here. You can also access this document by going to the Creepy Crawl’s website here.

And as mentioned above, if you want another hilarious read on “How to not get you band booked”, I highly recommend you read How to not get your band booked (a veteran’s tail).

mruff.

Read Full Post »

How to not get your band booked (a veteran’s tail)

I used to be in a band. We were total noise. If you put 2 gorillas in a room with some instruments with heavy effects on them and gave them a really good drummer, that would be us. We didn’t rehearse, we had no songs, we had no structure. We did have a television that showed unpleasant things like Charlie Brown cartoons, graphic scenes of violence, and parts of the show ‘Friends’. The tv usually was smashed before the end of the set. We didn’t have a record out or t-shirts or anything. It was just a release for us. We had no aspirations. Yet we managed to play Chicago, Detroit, and the Knitting Factory in New York City.

These are the words of a guy who’s been on all sides of the live concert equation. I’ve been the promoter. I’ve been in the local band. I’ve been in the touring band. I’ve been the patron. I’ve been the sound guy. I’ve been the bartender. I’ve been the door guy. I’ve been the janitor. I’ve been the groupie. So there isn’t an angle I haven’t seen.

Check out his amazing article that sets the record straight from the club-owner/promoter standpoint of the live-gig business. Hilareous and informative. A must-read.

Read Full Post »

Why bands should not sign with a major record label by Steve Albini

These are not Dick Dale’s words but Steve Albini’s. He’s been around for some time acting in all domains of the music industry so he knows what he’s talking about. This article is a classic of sorts. Very good read. Enjoy.

“Whenever I talk to a band who are about to sign with a major label, I always end up thinking of them in a particular context. I imagine a trench, about four feet wide and five feet deep, maybe sixty yards long, filled with runny, decaying shit. I imagine these people, some of them good friends, some of them barely acquaintances, at one end of this trench. I also imagine a faceless industry lackey at the other end holding a fountain pen and a contract waiting to be signed. Nobody can see what’s printed on the contract. It’s too far away, and besides, the shit stench is making everybody’s eyes water. The lackey shouts to everybody that the first one to swim the trench gets to sign the contract. Everybody dives in the trench and they struggle furiously to get to the other end. Two people arrive simultaneously and begin wrestling furiously, clawing each other and dunking each other under the shit. Eventually, one of them capitulates, and there’s only one contestant left. He reaches for the pen, but the Lackey says “Actually, I think you need a little more development. Swim again, please. Backstroke”. And he does of course“. (read more)

Read Full Post »

The way bands gig swap and share shows (1)

Why swap gigs?

I actually think that “gig swapping” might be the best possible way to get shows… the problem is you have to be in a position where the venue owner or booker lets you bring another artist in to actually make the trade. The idea is if they put you on a bill, you put them on your bill. And the best shows are those that expose your audience to theirs and vice-versa, and that the two artists are close enough in appeal that the folks who would buy your music and swag and tickets would buy theirs, too. It’s tougher than it sounds to put together a good bill, especially if one or more of the artists aren’t known names… but it’s possible, and gig swapping creates friends and partners and can prove to a club owner or booker or promoter that you can be trusted to get people in attendance.
Benjy Kantor, AR manager, www.sonicbids.com

For me, a good show is one that has multiple bands (2 or 3) on the bill because that draws more people in the door. Keep in mind that for every show you do there is at least one person there that hasn’t seen you before”.
Publik Parking www.myspace.com/publikparking

I think gig-swapping with other bands could be the way to go. Over time we’ve scored some great gigs and contacts but find it hard to break into new areas. We can offer support slots to bands in venues that like us, and, in return, that band can organize support slots for us in their neck of the woods. It’s quite common practice and a good idea.
Anonymous

Of course, hooking up with a local act is best for getting gigs, so you can cross-pollinate their draw with any friends you have in the area, and try and win them over.
Tims Myth www.myspace.com/tmyth

————————————————————————————————————————————————-

How bands meet other bands:

For getting gigs with other bands, I think the best way is to go to other people’s shows and check them out. Hang around after the show, buy the band member(s) a beer and have a demo of yours handy. You can say you’re looking for an opening slot for the future and to keep you in mind.
Linda M www.myspace.com/lindamsongs

Most of the bands, we meet either at shows or through myspace. Many bands are willing to do swaps. It usually works out well. I spend many hours each week organizing our show schedule. It is tough to be in communication with that many people but I know a thing that is tough is providing the same size audience that may have been provided to you. It is hard to make shows equal in value you for both bands when swapping shows.
Take One Car www.myspace.com/takeonecar

I made friends with some folks in NY and we just kind of took it from there… we trade out shows to get each other on the road as often as possible back and forth and anywhere in between… still trying to make it out to Europe one day ($$$!) and that’s about it… just networking, really. myspace is a great tool. Always people looking to get in the van… maybe I can visit you guys sometime!.
Dave Johnson www.myspace.com/davejohnsonsmusic

————————————————————————————————————————————————-
Mruff?

Gig swapping is considered by many as a very important part of DIY booking and building a fan base. It’s about networking with other bands. Whether you’re looking for a gig in your home town or you want to extend your reach to out of town gigs, gig swapping is definitely something to look into, if not to depend upon. The process can also be thought in terms of fan swapping. Its important to find bands that you relate to, so the fans will relate as well. To find bands you must network, and all the social media sites out there can make it easy. You’ll find tons of bands willing to swap, share shows and basically just help out. A great way to find them is through band forums as most of them have dedicated threads for sharing gigs. Google around by typing in the search bar ‘gig swap + (city or region where you wanna swap or share a show)’ and kablamo! you’ll most likely find a local music forum hosting threads for sharing gigs. Be creative with your website: the Everyday Heroes have a gig swapping form bands can fill. Cool idea.
gigDoggy www.myspace.com/gigdoggy

More band quotes on sharing shows and gig swapping here:

• The way bands gig swap and share shows (2)
• The way bands gig swap and share shows (3)

Read Full Post »